Hello everyone...
Two days ago, it was my Dad's funeral. I was Dad's only child, and my stepmother was not in a position to organise his funeral. It was my pleasure to be so involved in the organisation... I had done it for my mum 19 years ago and it seemed right that I do it for my dad as well.
His illness was quite lengthy and it definitely took its toll on a lot of us both physically and emotionally. I know I had to keep myself together in order to get through the last few weeks of his illness. I'm a psychologist and I am very well aware of the risk of meltdown -- and yeah I had a meltdown after it was all over... after family and friends had gone home. I was emotionally and physically shattered. The whole thing was incredibly overwhelming... so I guess a meltdown was inevitable!
Yesterday, after a good night's sleep I felt much better and I began thinking about a few of the practicalities that really helped me on the day! You may not know this but I'm in a wheelchair and I sit so much lower than people standing. I have always been in a wheelchair so if anyone knows me they have only ever known me in a chair.
Now the things I'm going to mention were not thought of prior to Dad's funeral but I found them incredibly beneficial on the day. And they are easy to implement and I would encourage anyone organising a funeral to keep them in mind.
I think the most important thing is that someone sticks close to the main people at the funeral. I had someone with me (a close friend) when we were following the cortege and she sat next to me during the service. It is really helpful if a good friend who is slightly removed to be close at hand -- to just keep an eye and a reassuring hand on the main grievers.
Another thing, no matter what the weather, it is useful for someone to make sure there is ample water available. Grieving is an incredibly dehydrating experience! And to be able to sip at water when needed can ease the stress a little.
On Wednesday in Perth, the day of Dad's funeral, it was 34° Celsius. Quite hot. Despite the heat, a friend happened to have a light cardigan with her... and I certainly made use of that after the service. I was hot and cold, cold and hot, shivery and all that stuff. And it was so comforting just to have this light cardigan on my shoulders for a little while.
Another thing which I found life-saving was to have someone close by who could help me make a quick exit to have a couple of minutes timeout. At one stage I was overwhelmed with everyone... and a couple of friends took me to the toilet for a few minutes. I need help anyway going to the toilet... but I didn't go. We just sat in the rest room for 5 minutes... and I emerged a lot more refreshed and able to be present with everyone else.
It is really important for someone to have enough tissues -- someone close by who can pass the necessary tissues at the necessary time.
When you're organising a funeral there are so many practicalities to think about and it is not surprising that you don't think of these things ... So, if you know you're going to go to a funeral, and you are in a position to provide these things... just in case... they can come in very handy. They certainly did for me!
It's important to remember, however, not to be pushy with these things... but be there more in the background so if they are needed they are easily accessible.
Funerals are emotionally charged occasions... but things can be done to ease the situation a little.
What are your thoughts about this? What have you found helpful that would be useful to share with others? Click on the comment link below... and leave your comments and thoughts. I would love to hear from you!
Best wishes
Jeanne
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